I don't really know how I'm doing.
Kinda feel like a squeaky toy with a broken squeaker. I really miss being who I really am, the person I normally am. Sometimes she appears. But when she goes, she goes much farther than I can bear.

I didn't realise quite how fragile I am. Really thought I was a stronger person. People have gone through a lot worse than I have and come through looking unscathed, come through stronger.

I didn't expect that half a year of a nightmare and the few months after that of emotional abuse to have such a lasting effect on me. Perhaps I already was still healing; vulnerable. I'd hate to think I really were that weak. I actually thought I'd dealt really well. But then the really weird thoughts started coming. Really weird thoughts and feelings. Thoughts and feelings that I couldn't recognise, that couldn't possibly be mine. Who do they belong to? Return to sender. I bar you from coming back. Kinda symptoms of PTSD. Nuts. How can I go from days of being so happy and feeling normal to suddenly so low and on the verge of tears. This is not me.

I thought the cloud had lifted and I was myself again. But it seems to only have been a temporary reprieve. The disjointedness appears at random moments.
Who does this belong to? Return to sender.
I release and refuse all connections to others that do not raise my vibrations.
Return to sender.

I really don't know what's going on in here. I can see why people can agree to getting their brains scrambled with electricity. I can tolerate this confusion now but anymore and, yep, can totally see why a person would agree to getting scrambled brains.




"Your shoes fall apart because your foundation is falling apart"....maybe my foundations were weak sauce and need demolishing so I can build better, stronger foundations.