. in retrospect .

on the previous post...

altho i'm glad certain things happened so things won't happen for me with FG cos...ewwwness! i wonder what would've happened if other things didn't

sometimes i look upon her with fondness and sometimes i just can't be fucked and/or look upon her with contempt. like today. i won't give a shit even if she fell off the face of the earth today. maybe if it happened in 2 wks time i might cry. but today i just can't be fucked. and it happens often. not just with her. i wonder why.

i guess i never recovered from what happened. it's true about us virgoans. we forgive but we never forget. maybe we never truely forgive either. that night i told her how i felt about her and our friendship. unfortunately i was speaking in the present tense. unfortunately she was touched. because as soon as the words came out of my mouth i suppose their meaning was lost. kinda like how you open up a really old crypt and turning all that you revealed into dust.
it's just that i don't quite sort out my thoughts and feelings fast enough. cos sometimes even i have trouble getting around that wall i built.

i just handed in my counselling assignment. i'm kinda a cross between the preoccupied style and the dismissive style. theyre on 2 different corners of the model. yet i'm a cross between both. go figure. lousy model man. go google up adult attachment styles and you'll find out what those terms mean haha. i can't be fucked to explain.

sleeptime.